[As presented on the Wednesday, March 24 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.]

10.       Instead of Mexico, you're spending a week at Texaco.

9.         "Complimentary buffet" is whatever crawled out of air conditioning vent.

8.         Maid leaves note on pillow reading, "Go home filthy American."

7.         You're the only one whose abs don't have a nickname.

6.         Health care bill didn't pass in time for you to get arm reattached after shark attack.

5.         Only thing on resort's TV is Harry Smith's colonoscopy.

4.         Your hotel room is home to seven of the world's 10 deadliest snakes.

3.         P.A. announcement on the beach:  "Take cover.  Enemy aircraft approaching."

2.         You wake up naked in Andy Dick's crawl space.

1.         Still stuck on runway from spring break '09.

The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN is a presentation of Worldwide Pants Incorporated. Barbara Gaines, Matt Roberts, Jude Brennan, Maria Pope, Eric Stangel, Justin Stangel and Rob Burnett are the executive producers.

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